35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You the fanfic!
by YaoiRules92
Summary: Mihawk will never be the same again after I am through with him! He should have said 'No' when Shanks asked him to look after me. Shame he didn't...
1. Chapter 1

KM: Alright peeps! This is a story about "**35 ways to get Mihawk to kill you**". I have asked Lilygirl33 if I could use her list to write a "story" about this. She has given me the allowance to do so. So it is no plagiarism nor is it stealing her idea. If you do not believe me then go ahead and ask her. I think she will tell you the same. Though no flames and the likes... but on second thought. Do it. I need some heat here in my house!

Lilly: In short read and review?

**Disclaimer:** Don't own One Piece nor do I own 35 ways to get Mihawk to kill you! They are owned by Oda-sama and Lilygirl33... I am just someone who is writing this for her fun. Woe is me...

**$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ I AM YOUR FRUIT EAT ME $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$**

**35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You**

**Chapter 1**

**No. 1. Paint his sword pink**

It was normal day on the Grandline. Well, as normal as it could be there. Mihawk had just arrived at the island that Shanks had asked him to meet him at. Frankly Mihawk didn't really know why he was exactly friends with the red haired captain. But he didn't really got the time to think more about it when he heard a giggle behind him. He turned around to see who it was that is making this sound of his nightmares. Or in other words: '**_Fan-girls_**'. He shuddered at thought of them mentally. But on the outside he narrowed his eyes at the girl in front if him. A girl because she was just to small and to young to be a woman. He eyed the girl warily when she smiled at him. Thanks to previous encounters of other women and girls, he didn't let his guard down. Because if he did then it would end bad. Bad for him that is.

Everytime he had an encounter with a woman or girl it always ended with him nearly raped. _`Bad memories, Mihawk! Very bad memories, Mihawk! Don't think about it. Think happy thoughts! Shanks nearly drowning because he was drunk again._´ the end of his lips twitch upwards a bit. Good old times it seemed for him. He shook himself out of the those '**happy**' thoughts when he heard again this damn giggle of doom. For him that is. This time he studied the girl in front of him. She had brown shoulder length hair and dark brown eyes. Promptly he didn't like them. They had this glint in them. A glint of amusement and mischievous. Something he didn't like then and there. He idly wondered why they had held this much amusement and mischievous in them. But he decided to look at the girl again.

Now he actually saw that the girl wasn't exactly a girl but a woman that was standing in front of him. It was because of the simple fact that no girl had a bust size that looked easily 'D'. (KM: I have on word from me **Hentai**) Anyways! She wore a red t-shirt with white bold letters at the front. The letters read: '**Hawks are perverts!**' Mihawk twitch at that but choose to ignore it. For now. She had on pale blue jeans and wore white sneakers. The clothes were too big for her but she didn't seem to care about this. But what he wanted to know was what she wanted from him and who she was. Though he did the next best thing to do in this situation. Asking her.

"Who are you and what do y-" he was cut off by the woman.

"Name's KM! Authoress on fanfiction dot net! Not that you need to know that" she muttered the last part. "Anyways! I am here to... 'annoy' you!"

"... I see" he didn't. Really. "But why do you want annoy me?"

"For fun!" she chirped at him.

He twitched at the answer. He didn't like the girl already. So much he knew already. But it was quite new to him too. So far no women and girls had ever wanted to annoy him. Most of the time the females wanted to.. molest and rape. And that was saying it nicely. But that there was someone out there that wanted to annoy him? A new one for him. It really was. He narrowed golden eyes at this KM-person who just waved and smiled cheerfully back at him. _`Strange girl_´ ways his only thought to that and he turned his back to her. He had to meet someone and didn't want to be any longer than necessary here. That was a big mistake to do on his part. It was something that he would find out about later on.

KM on the other hand was, now, smirking at Mihawk's retiring back. In her small hands she was holding something. That something was Mihawk's precious big ass sword, how she came to call it. She glanced down on the sword and smirked. This was going to be fun for her. She looked around a bit and sighed in relief when she didn't saw Mihawk anymore. With that she turned on her heels and made her way to the inn she was staying at with her friends. It was time to set the plan into motion. Too bad Mihawk thought that she wasn't of a threat to him. `_Ah too bad for him then! Tehehehe!_´ she chuckled at this thought. When she had reached at the inn she would be staying at with her friends. She had went straight to her room. The sword needed a new colour. Well, at least in her mind it did anyways. Poor, poor Mihawk he won't know what has hit him once he sees his precious sword again.

She snickered and laid the sword on the bed. The bed was covered with a plastic blanket. On the table was standing some paint. Some innocent looking bright pink paint. _`Oh this is going to be some fun!_´ KM thought while dunking a brush into the paint.

"Let the games begin! TEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

***~*~***

**At the same time with Mihawk**

***~*~***

When Mihawk had reached the bar that Shanks had asked him to meet him at, he sighed. He so didn't want to do this and not only because of this KM-girl. He didn't like the way she had been staring at him. Not one but. But he didn't have the time for this now. With a heavy sigh he opened the door to the bar, entered and promptly wanted to leave again. Shanks was as usual already drunk and making a fool of himself. Why didn't that surprise him at all? Shanks's nakama was at the side and laughing at him or sleeping. Some even did both. How that was possible is a mystery to him. He made his way over over to Shanks, not paying attention to any of the drunken men around him. He had only business with their drunken red haired captain. None other. He sat down on the empty chair in front of the drunken man.

"Mihawk" came the surprisingly sober greeting.

"Shanks" was the almost annoyed reply. "To what do I own this pleasure to have to meet you here?"

"Ahh about that!" Shanks said with a smile to him. That then turned into a frown.

Mihawk rose an eyebrow at the sudden silence from the elder male. Of course. He admits that even Shanks can have his moments. But it was unnerving him. How the red head eyed him up and down. As if searching for something. But what?

"Something is different about you..." he muttered with a frown.

"And what would that be?" he asked him.

"Mhmm.... I have it!" Shanks said while his face lit up like a five year old that had gotten some sugar. "Your sword is missing!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked annoyed. "It's right here"

He went to grab for the hilt. But his hands were grabbing into nothing. No sword hilt. His eyebrow developed a tick when he realized what that meant. That damn little girl had somehow gotten her hands on his sword without him noticing it. She was a dead girl. No one took his sword away from him and lived to tell the tale. Actually. No one was that stupid to go and take his sword away in the first place. The girl had a death wish. He was sure about it. Mihawk stand up suddenly and left the bar. He had a little girl to hunt down.

"Mihaw? Oi where are you going!" yelled Shanks after him. Not even trying to follow him.

"Hunting a little annoying brat down and then kill it!" was the answer.

"O...kay?" asked while blinking owlishly at the empty chair.

But Mihawk had already left and went in search of said little brat.

***~*~***

**With said little brat**

***~*~***

KM was meanwhile waiting at the docks for Mihawk. She was sure that Mihawk had now noticed that his sword was missing and that she had it. She smirked and looked at the now bright pink sword. _`Such a nice colour for it!_´ was her thought for it. But now where was Mihawk? Surely it wouldn't be that hard for him to find her. It is not like every day that you see a girl about 5'32 walking around with a giant and bright pink sword. _`Where is he? It isn't that hard to find me! Now is it?_´ it was to this that she saw Mihawk coming to the docks with an angry expression in his face,

"Speak of the devil and he shall come!" she said with a smile.

"You!" he hissed at her when he had reached her.

"Yes, me?" she asked him innocently.

"Where is my..." he trailed off when he saw his sword. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SWORD!! IT'S PINK AND UGLY NOW!!"

That was the first time that she had seen Mihawk scream. _`Kinda scary... I think...._´ she thought while backing away from the angry hawk. He was glaring at her now and his fist were bailed. She looked at him and snickered when she saw his red face. It was worth it to see Mihawk like this. Even if it meant that she has to die then. It would be a noble death then, at least she hoped it was.

"Ahh come on!! I think it looks better than ever now!" KM said to him with a smile.

"What! It's pink for crying out loud!" he told her strangely calm. "Why have you done this?"

"For the fun of it" she said to him while slowly backing away to a safe distance. She felt that it was getting to dangerous now. "I told you that I would annoy you!"

Mihawk took a deep and calming breath. He reached slowly behind KM and took his, now, pink sword back. He grimaced at the colour. KM on the other hand studied his expression. Yup, he was pretty annoyed and seemed to don't like the colour of his sword. _`And I did it with sooo much love too!_´ she thought with a snicker. It seemed to bring Mihawk back to the present because he was now staring at her with an unreadable expression.

"Uhhh... I should run now shouldn't I?" she asked him with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, you should" he said calmly to her.

"Uh Buh-bye!" with that she took off in the direction Mihawk came from.

Only after he had given her a five seconds head start did he run after her.

"I hope Reddy can help me!" KM muttered to herself while running to the bar she was supposed to be too.

"Get back here!" she heard Mihawk yell after her.

Of course Mihawk didn't run full speed after her. He wanted to enjoy the chase as long as possible. And because it wouldn't be any fun when he would have her already in caught in the first five seconds. His revenge would be more sweeter then. KM on the other hand was already praying that she would reach 'Reddy' before Mihawk reached her. Or else that was it with her.

But luck seemed to be on her side in this one. Just as she was about to reach the bar 'Reddy' was at. She saw him exiting the bar and sighed in relief.

"HIDE ME!" with that she jumped behind the dazed red head.

Mihawk came to a stop in front of Shanks. Shanks was totally confused but broke out into laughter when he saw Mihawk's pink sword. It was not every day that you got to see this.

"What -_snort_- happened -_snicker_- to you -_snort, gasp_- sword?" he asked him.

"Asked her!" he told him while throwing a glare at the hiding KM.

But Shanks couldn't because he was laughing to hard when he looked at the pink sword again. Mihawk only glared harder at her. KM on the other hand was acting as if she was innocent. It wasn't too long that the whole crew was out there and laughing together with their captain about Mihawk's '**new**' sword.

***~*~***

**Fifteen minutes later**

***~*~***

After fifteen minutes everyone had calmed down enough to ask why the sword was pink. KM was a safe distance away from Mihawk who threw a murderous look at her every five seconds. And to make sure that he didn't kill her Shanks was sitting between the two.

"Though let me get this straight. KM thought it would be funny to get your sword a new look and stole it from you without you noticing it." Mihawk nodded at this and glared at KM again who just waved at him cheerfully. "Well then we have a problem here"

"What do you mean 'we have a problem here'?" asked him Mihawk. Turning his whole attention to him.

"You see. The reason I wanted you to come here was that you look after KM" Shanks said with a nervous laugh.

"Excuse me"

"Hehehe... well someone has to look after her! And you are the only one I can trust with this task!"

"Like Reddy said!" KM chirped out.

"No way in hell!" Mihawk told him.

"Oh come on please! I can't take her with me! I am too well known and I have a crew to look after! But you don't! Please!" who would have thought that Shanks would use the puppy eyes on Mihawk to get him to agree on this.

"... fine. But one wrong move from her and she is dead" he muttered out.

So far KM had lived. She was now smiling at him. But Mihawk didn't like this smile. Not at all. It was spelling his doom. He could feel it. KM was cackling in the inside. Now she had an even better chance to annoy the swordsman! Oh lady luck was on her side in this one it seemed.

"YAY! I gotta stay with Hawk-y!"

Mihawk twitched at nickname she had given him. Shanks was laughing at said name. At least his crew tried to hold it in. KM was just smiling at him and gave him an innocent look. _`This is going to be some hell for him!_´ her smile turned to one of the devil's at this thought. Mihawk ran a shiver up his spine. He got the forbidden feeling that he should have said no. However much Shanks would have begged him to say yes.

"Nee... what are you going to do with your pink sword now?" Mihakw twitched at this question and wanted to lung for her.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEP!" KM dived away from him and behind Ben. "HOLD THE HAWK-Y BACK!"

Shanks was laughing at the scene in front of him and wondered if Mihawk will have his sanity still intact when he is going to pick KM up again. Most likely not when he saw how Mihawk tried to control himself and was failing at it.

"You pay for painting my sword pink you little devil!" Mihawk growled out.

"Like to see ya try!" she stuck her tongue out and made a run for it.

**$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ I AM A FLYING FISH $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$**

KM: That's for chapter one!

Mihawk: You painted my sword pink!

KM: and?

Mihawk: You. Painted. My. Sword. Pink! You will pay!

KM: Oh Sh- _runs for it_

Lilly: erhm... as you can see KM busy running for her life. Please read and review!

KM: _running for her life_ HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOME FRENCH DUDE WANTS TO KILL ME!!

Mihawk: _chasing KM with his big ass sword_ I AM NOT FRENCH!!

Lilly: ...


	2. Chapter 2

KM: WMAHAHAHAHAHAHA NUMBER TWO!!!

Mihawk: …

Lilly: Uh-uhu... you have guest!  
KM : WHOWHOWHOWHOWHO!!!!

LG: Is she always like this?

Lilly: yes

KM: OMOAB!!!!

LG: OMOAB?

KM: Oh mother of all bananas! Nice that you grace us with your presence! Now to the story kay?

**Disclaimer:** As always I don't own One Piece, nor the ways at how I get killed by Mihawk. Well I own myself and that's that. Shame I own....

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I BELIEVE I CAN FLY, I BELIEVE I AM KILLED BY MIHAWK %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

**35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You**

**Chapter 2**

**No. 11. Ask him if he's French**

It hasn't even been a week and Mihawk was ready to kill KM. He gritted his teeth when he heard her ask him again the same damn question. The same damn question she had asked him for the last two days. And every time he would say '_no_' to her. Why is she always asking him this damn question again and again? When she damn fucking knows that the answer will always be '**NO**'! He didn't understand her at all. How should he? He was a man and she was a woman. They never really understand each other anyways. But that is a completely other story.

"So?" she asked him.

"So what?" he tried to calm himself down and not to kill her.

"So what! Hello!! Does it mean that you are French?"

Mihawk twitched when she said that. _`Calm down Mihawk! Don't let her words get to you. She is just some damn, annoying, little and stupid girl, Mihawk! She is not worth it to loose your temper and kill her! Calm down, be responsible and act not childish like her!_´ he thought with a tick slowly developing in his right eye. KM was obvious to those thoughts. She was sitting in front of him and asked him again.

"Come on!! You have to be French! I mean look at you!" she was pointing at him dramatical now. "You look French, you have an accent, you dress French to me and dammit! You look fucking French to me!"

"For the last damn time KM!" he stood up now and was hovering above her her small form. "I. AM. NOT. FRENCH!"

"Woha! Calm down Hawk-y!" she said with her hands hold up in defence. "Then you are half French. It's no big deal!"

"DAMMIT! (CENSOR) (CENSOR) (CENSOR) (CENSOR)!!! I AM NOT A (CENSOR)(CENSOR) FRENCH!!! NOR AM I A (CENSOR)(CENSOR)(CENSOR) HALF (CENSOR) (CENSOR) (CENSOR) FRENCH!!!"

"...O... kay!" she said slowly while backing as far away as possible from him. "But I am still thinking that you are of French blood!"

"AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGHHHHH!"

KM was laughing her ass off when she saw the way Mihawk lost his cool. That was the first time she saw him with a tomato red face and screaming his lungs out. Something he would never do. Hell he was even cursing with words that she had never heard off at all. Till now that is. _`Wow! Never thought that I would see Mihawk act like this at all! I have to do this more often!_´ she thought with a snicker. _`Wait! Why is he looking at me like this. … he wouldn't dare to do this to me... now would he? What the hell am I thinking! It's Mihawk we are talking about. Of course he will kill me now! Oh well it was nice to have gotten this far with him!_´ her inner chibi thought while crying twin waterfalls and hugging herself tightly.

Mihawk had meanwhile calmed down enough to think straight again. _`She is going to pay for this!_´ he thought with an evil smirk in his face. He grabbed the hilt of his still pink sword and slowly made his way over to KM. His smirk widening with each step he took in her direction. Said person was now laughing nervously at him and looking for a way to escape her death. But sadly they were on Mihawk's boat. Thus meaning there wasn't any way for her to escape from Mihawk. `_Uh-uhu that was it for me... well it was nice while it lasted... I guess!_´

"Hehehe... come on Mihawk! Don't do anything that you might regret later on!" she tried to reason with him.

"And what would that be?" raised eyebrow.

"Like killing little, innocent and cute me!" she said to him with a smile.

"Try again" he told her with his eyes narrowed.

"Shanks would be angry with you"

"Nice try" a small smirk on his face.

"You have to live with your bad consciences about killing me and it is following you everywhere you go that you killed an innocent, little girl!" she tried again.

"That might actually work..." he said with a thoughtful expression only to bust KM's hope. "But try again."

"ehrm you love me?"

"Not even in your dreams" he dead panned.

"Hey! I could try it, couldn't I?" she said with a sheepish look.

"Any last words before I kill you?"

"Yes, actually I have!" she said with a grin.

"Oh. And at would be?"

"I understand Mihawk." she said to him with a serious expression.

"What do you understand?" he asked her. Confusing clearly shown on his face.

"I understand that you don't want to tell anyone that you are of French blood!" Mihawk twitched when she brought that up again. "I mean every one would make fun of you! Telling you that you look like a frog, are a snail eater and the likes. Make fun of your accent and t-"

"WHAT THE HELL!" she was cut off by Mihawk's outrage yell.

"Bingo!" she whispered to herself.

"That's it!" he said while glaring at her with murderous intent. "You are goi-"

But before Mihawk could finish his sentence, he was cut off by someone. And that someone was no one other than Shanks.

"Yo, Mihawk! I just wanted to make sure that everything is okay with you guys before we leave you all alone!"

KM was snickering at the face Mihawk was making. Seems that she was again rescued by Shanks. _`I have to think of something to show him my thanks the next time I see him!_´ she smiled and waved at Shanks to show him that everything was okay with them.

"We are good! No need to worry! See ya later!" she said to him.

"Good, good! Mihawk I trust you that nothing happens to her!" he said with a warning glint in his eyes.

"Of course" he sighed the words out.

"Well then... we see you guys again!"

KM was safe from Mihawk... for now.

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% YES, I AM STILL ALIVE w00t! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

KM: Tehehehehe that was number two

Mihawk: KM?

KM: uhm y-yes?

Mihawk: RUN!

KM: AAAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHHHH _runs for her life... again_

Lilly: When will they ever change? _sigh_ Please read and review!

LG: Is that normal?

Lilly: For them or for us?

LG: ehm both?

Lilly: For them normal, for us... they need help.

**A/N:** Alright here is number 2! too lazy to spell check and the likes. Dunno if I got Mihawk right his time or not. Maybe later I will edit it... or not


	3. Chapter 3

KM: _grinning like idiot_

LG: Why so happy?

KM: Number three!  
Lilly: Mihawk still hasn't killed you?

KM: YUP!

Lilly: _looks at Mihawk_ You tied him up?

KM: Uhuhu!

LG: And he didn't do anything?

Mihawk: Just you wait, I will get my revenge on you!

**Disclaimer:** I hate you! Anywho! I still ain't own One Piece and 35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You... I know, I am pathetic!

**§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ I AM A FLYING BANANA! BOW DOWN TO ME! §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§**

**35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You**

**Chapter 3**

**No. 18. Stare at him. When he blinks, yell, "You blinked, I win!"**

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, KM was, is, still alive. Currently we found our favourite French swordsmen, Mihawk and trouble maker, KM, on Mihawk's boat. Mihawk still hasn't found an island where he could leave KM though she dies a tragic death and Shanks does not find out that it was his fault at all. Life wasn't fair to him. Mihawk was sitting on his chair and staring out on the sea. Well, he would be staring out on the sea if it were not for KM sitting in front of him and stare dead on in his eyes. _`What the hell is it now!_´ he thought while his left eye twitched. KM was doing this since the last two days and three hours and hadn't move one muscle. Hell, she didn't even greeted him this morning which she usually did.

Mihawk's left eye twitched when he saw how she was moving closer to him. Too close for his liking. KM on the other hand didn't really care if she was in Mihawk's personal bubble or not. She knew it was just a matter of time and then she won. But in what that knew only she alone. Mihawk blinked when KM's nose was nearly touching his. The girl had gone to far this time. He just wanted to grab for his ,still but not that bright pink, sword and stopped when he heard what she said.

"You blinked! I WIN!"

What the hell! Was not only his but the thought of the fish around them too. Even they knew that you don't anger Mihawk that easily. Okay most of you will think 'how hell can some stupid fish know this?' right? But hey they are fish! They were always there when Mihawk sliced a boat in two pieces when he was bored. Okay not they in person but their cousins, uncles, aunts and... well, you catch my drift, yes?

"What was this about?" he asked her calmly.

KM had learned early on. That when Mihawk asked her in such a tone after she had done something to seriously piss him off that it meant only one thing. That it was time to run for your life or you become good friends with Mihawk's big ass sword and meet death now. Both of those options didn't really appeal to her that much. Though she choose to do the next best thing. That was cry like a little girl and make Mihawk feel guilty about it.

"WHAAAAAHAA! WHY -_hic_- ARE Y-Y-YOU -_sob_- D-D-DOING T-T-THIS!" she cried out.

Mihawk blinked confused at the now crying KM. That was something he had not count with. He didn't really know what to do in this situation. It was for him the first time to see a girl cry like this. _`Oh god! Shanks kills me when he hears about this!_´ was his only thought to this. KM on the other hand had jumped of the boat as soon as she saw that Mihawk was too deep in thought to notice her missing. She valued her life, thank you very much! While she swam away from the boat and to the next island that they had planned to dock at, which was surprisingly near them. Mihawk came back to the present. Only to notice that KM was missing and currently swimming away from his boat.

"That little devil!" he hissed out while his eyes narrowed at her back.

**Twenty minutes later at the island**

KM had after twenty minutes of swimming reached the island. Finally having land on her feet again she cried out in happiness and then made a run for it when she remembered exactly why she had to swim in the first place. Mihawk was soo going to kill her. But she didn't even made it six feet when Mihawk was standing in her way. _`WAIT! HOLD YOUR BANANAS! Is Mihawk... blushing?_´ she thought with a shocked expression. _`NO WAY! HE IS! Oh wait till Reddy hears about this!_´ her inner chibi snickered at those thoughts.

Mihawk on the other hand had other problems. KM's clothes were clinging to her little frame and giving him... a '_**nice**_' view of it. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and willed his thoughts to stop going into a '_certain_' section. He wanted to make her pay, dammit! And not think about her in such a way! _`Calm down, Mihawk! Think about the things she had done so far! She paint__ed your sword pink, called you French and was annoying you the last two days with staring at you non-stop!_´ well, this seemed to help him. Because one moment KM was in front of him the next she had vanished again from his view.

"Damn! The little devil can't be gone too far!"

Said little devil was hiding behind a tree and praying for her love of annoying people that Mihawk doesn't find her. But alas. Not everything can go like you want them to and Mihawk found her.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!" with that she run away from a very furious Mihawk who had his pink, big ass sword drawn.

"GET BACK HERE!"

"HELL NO! I VALUE MY LIFE, ASSHOLE!"

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"NOTHING!" she yelled back at him. "NOTHING REALLY!"

"THE HELL IT WAS NOTHING!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!"

And again it KM was chased by Mihawk, just like the first time, through a town. _`Why me? I just wanted to make him laugh! … okay maybe not. But the thought counts right?_´

**At the side lines**

"I never knew that Mihawk was like this with women..." said Doflamingo to Kuma.

Kuma didn't say anything to him. Maybe he grunted as responds but Doflamingo wasn't so sure about this.

**§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ THE HOLY MONKEY WILL RULE AS ALL SOMEDAY! §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§**

LG: Run!

KM: YAY! Number three finished! Why?

Mihawk: YOU!

KM: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Don't forget you are still tied u-

Mihawk: _walking over to her with sword raised_ You were saying?

LG: _whistles innocently_

KM: H-h-h-how d-d-d-did y-you got f-f-f-fr-free?

Mihawk: Wouldn't you like to know. But I think you should run now.

KM: Buh-bye peeps! Please read and review and maybe I will live through this then! _runs away... again_

Mihawk: _chasing her_

Lilly: … will they ever learn?

LG: I don't think so


	4. Chapter 4

LG: Ehrn Because KM isn't here. I will do her normal deed... or so

Lilly: yeah...

LG: Enjoy the chap or so

**Disclaimer:** KM doesn't own anything!

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% HOLD IT, BANANA DUDE! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

**35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You**

**Chapter 4**

**No. 12. Shave his eyebrows**

"I hope this works" KM licked her lips as she slowly made her way to Mihawk's eyebrow with a razor. "Please don't wake! I do anything that he doesn't wake!"

You may be wondering what KM is doing with a razor? Then just read the title of the chapter. Anyways! But we all know by now that KM always does everything with a reason. Just like this time. She had bet with Shanks that she could shave Mihawk's eyebrows off. Now was the best time to prove to him that she could do it.

"Come on just a few more inches!" she whispered to herself.

Just as the razor was about to touch Mihawk's eyebrow said person stirred. KM stopped every movement she was making and stared wide eyed at the sleeping pirate. She began to sweat when it looked like Mihawk was about to wake up. But she sighed in relief when he didn't. Makes you wonder if he really is one of the Shichibukai when he sleeps like that. He can't let his guard down like this or else someone takes advantage of him. Like KM was doing right now. _`Maybe I shouldn't have used so much sleeping pills..._´ she shrugged at the thought. Works all the better for her though.

"Let's see if he still looks that good without his eyebrows" she cackled softly under breath.

She let the razor touch at the end of Mihawk's brow and dragged it along the line. She smirked when she saw the hair falling down. Ohh this was soo much fun for her. She snickered when she took a good look at the now shaved brow. Now the other side. She licked her lips and again set the razor on. She stopped all movement again when it seemed that Mihawk would wake up.

"Puhh... that was close..." she sighed in relief and set to work on the other brow.

She already knew that she had to leave the boat when she wanted to live through this. But it would be worth it just to see Mihawk's expression when he woke up and noticed that he didn't have any brows anymore. She snickered when her work was done and... did she dare it? Hell yes she did! She took some nice photos of the sleeping Mihawk. This was something that would not happen anytime soon again. Best take advantage of it now. Besides she needed the proof that she had done it for Shanks.

_**Time skip three hours**_

Mihawk woke with a feeling of dread. He just didn't know why exactly. That was till he saw himself in the mirror that KM, which he assumed was KM, had placed in front of his face. There he saw it. His eyebrows were gone. Just gone as if they never existed in the first place. His left eye began to twitch and his hand made its way slowly to his sword. Only to notice that the person he currently wants to murder is not on his boat. In fact he noticed now that he was on some island and that his boat was a safe distance away from him with a waving KM.

"That girl is dead next time I see her"

**On the boat**

"That was soooo totally worth it!" snickered KM out while waving at Mihawk. "Hum hopefully I can be far away before Mihawk finds and is not calm enough to talk normal... oh well it was worth it!"

**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Meh, call me Hans %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**

LG: Review?

Lilly: Ehm Mihawk?

Mihawk: She is a dead woman...


	5. Chapter 5

LG: Where are KM and Mihawk?

Lilly: Hawaii?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own shit!

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} URRGHH HI? {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

**35 Ways To Get Mihawk To Kill You**

**Chapter 5**

**No. 12. Give him a hug**

If KM had known this would have happened... Well, then she wouldn't have done it. … Oh who the fucking hell am I trying to kid here! You, the readers, the onlookers, KM, Mihawk or the lunatic authoress of this story, me? But one thing is sure. It's not KM nor is it Mihawk. Anyways! You guys sure want to know what has happened in the last two hours and what the authoress is talking about? Well, then! Be my guest! It went something like that...

**FLASHBACK**

The morning was just like every other one. Mihawk would wake up with KM directly in front of his face. She would smile down on him with a smile that says 'I-know-something-you-do~n't!'. It was always pissing him off to no end. Thus would lead for him to get a twitch in his left eye. Why his left eye. I have no idea and I am the author,. Ahywho! KM would then grin at him like she had had won in the lottery. Which was true in a way. He dreaded the day that he had agreed 'to baby-sit' KM. He tried to ignore the grin, even though he got the feeling he shouldn't.

That was something he would be regretting soon this day.

KM on the other hand was already planning Mihawk's dismay. _`I am soooo dead after this! I know it already!_´ but she couldn't help the snicker that escaped her. Even though she tried to hold it in. yes, Mihawk was going to kill her she knew this much. But damn! It would be worth it.

All the morning over the feeling of dread didn't want to leave Mihawk alone. And it hadn't had anything to do with the fact that he had to meet the government... and take KM with him. No, that really wasn't it. He tried to relax as much as he could with the lunatic, which he was sure of now that KM is, woman on his boat. Sitting in his chair throne thing-y and keeping a watchful eye at KM. Said person was awfully quiet the whole morning. Just sitting in front of Mihawk and staring out on the sea. As if there wasn't anything else that mattered to her. He idly wondered what could be wrong with her but passed it of that it was something that women would do and let his guard down.

That was a mistake he would be regretting later on. Funny just like the first time he had met KM on that island. … oh well! His fault.

KM got that glint in her eyes when she felt that Mihawk's eyes had left her back. A glint that would even send White Beard running. Because that it was right out spelling evilness. That meant only four things to KM.

1) Mihawk'a guard was down. Because let's face it. Mihawk had learned early on to never let his guard down around her. And when he did let it down. Then it meant he didn't think of her as a threat in moment. Even though he should.

2) KM could have her fun with him again. A very bad thing.

3) Mihawk will never know what hit him and he should know better to not let his guard down around her. Meaning we have learned that he is an idiot when it comes to women.

And 4) He's an idiot for always forgetting about the first three reasons in the beginning.

Anywho! KM was meanwhile having a party in her mind while Mihawk was asking himself how to keep KM busy when he was in this meeting with the other Shichibukai. He sighed quietly and then blinked when he was suddenly hugged. Hugged by none other than our loveable (not really) KM.

"Why, pray tell, are you hugging me?" he asked while trying to keep his cool.

"'Cause!" she chirped.

"Yes?" he asked her with a calmness that would frightened any grown men.

"'Cause you needed it, stupid!" she said with a smile "and..."

Now that got his attention besides that she was hugging him and calling him stupid. And squeezing him.

"And?" he snarled at her when she squeezed him again.

"And you are cuddly! I call you Mr Teddy from now on!" she told him while squeezing him again to show her point.

"Hell no!" he said while glaring at her.

"Awww but Mr Teddy°!" she said in a fake whine tone.

And before KM knew what was happening, okay maybe she did who knows?, she was running away from a serious pissed off Mihawk... again. _`Why does it always end with him chasing me?_´ she thought to herself.

********  
****END FLASHBACK**

"I hope he doesn't find me" she whispered to herself.

"Yes, it would be too bad for you, wouldn't it?" a voice said from behind her. Strangely, it sounded strangely familiar to her.

"Perhaps! He would be all alone again and not having me around then anymore!"

"Pity" said the voice again. She still didn't know who it was.

"Yeah! His life would be dull then without me in it anymore!"

"Really?" Okay. Now she head that tone only by one person. But who was it again?

"Yeah. Nothing to laugh about, to chase and no one that would dare to bug him! All the other people are too afraid of doing this to him!"

"I think he can live with that" the voice drawled out.

"WAIT!" she froze up when she, finally, recognized the voice. `_Uh-uh__u_´ "You're Mihawk, nee?"

"Bingo" she could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I should run now, shouldn't I?"

"Yes, you should." was the answer even if not needed.

"Buh-bye!"

With that said a chapter, again, ends with a chase and a nearly killed KM. But this time no Shanks would be there to rescue her. Ah well. There is always next time.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

**{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} IS THAT THE END? NOPE BUT A PURSE! {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}**

KM: well that's that!

Lilly. Where did you come from?

KM: Beach?

LG: … please read and review people...


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